JAW DROPPING NEWS! “The Final 5 Killer Weapons Guaranteed To Destroy Obesity, Every Time!”

Quote:

“Ambivalence is one of the biggest enemies of change. If you aren't sure that you really want to take action on something such as your weight, ambivalence will usually win.”

Author: Linda Spangle,

“100 Days of Weight Loss: The Secret to Being Successful on Any Diet Plan: A Daily Motivator”

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! Be prepared for some shocking news that might blow your mind. But, don’t say I didn’t warn you. Read it at your own risk. Agree or not?

ANYHOW, HERE GOES! You stare at yourself in the mirror. You turn this way and that, but all you see are those bulges, folds and unsightly puckers. You stand on the scale. Maybe if you exhaled all your breath, maybe if you removed your watch, your ring things will improve.

YOU COULD PAINT THESE WORDS PICTURE of yourself endlessly. Remember the last encounter with your scale, mirror or a swimsuit. The fact is, you’re altogether too familiar with the extent of your past caloric sins. What you need now is someone to help you get out of this mess.

WHENEVER I PAINT THE GRIM metabolic picture for obese individuals, some people get angry. "It's all very well to tell us about our bodies," they say. "But what do we do about them? What's the ultimate solution?"

FRANKLY, I DON'T THINK THERE IS ONE. Yet. Other articles about weight loss have ultimate solutions, but if they were so ultimate, you wouldn't be reading this one. The dieting establishment says that the solution is self-control: Learn to live in a semi-starvation state and get a reasonable amount of exercise

HAPPY SO FAR? If you are, then let’s joyfully fast forward to the next part of this article i.e. the  ‘Overview’

OVERVIEW:

Before, we launch full scale on this tiny report, allow me to show you, our honorable readers, a sketchy background information first.  Alright?

Don’t be shell shocked if I were to say without batting an eye, is simply this!

·       Take diet pills forever.

·       Keep smoking.

·       Obtain a suction lumpectomy.

·       Procure an intestinal bypass

·       Get a bubble.

Sound ridiculous? Don’t be. Continue reading and prove me wrong, if you dare. OK?

First thing first, let me say the weapon is ‘take diet pills forever’ Confused? Don’t be! Just read on!

FINAL WEAPON NO.1: TAKE DIET PILLS FOREVER.

If you have to live starved, get chemical help. You can always find a semiretired doctor who's sick of all the medical hypocrisy and will give you some pills. He might die, however, or be exposed by a zealous reporter. Connect the dots, if you can! If you find this weapon ‘out of the world’

The next weapon may be ‘unhealthy’ but if truth is to be told, this weapon may effective per se.

FINAL WEAPON NO 2: KEEP SMOKING.

It will kill your appetite, lower your set point, and raise your basal metabolic rate. It will kill you, too, but hell—you'll die thin! Now that’s as close to ‘black’  magic as you’ll find. Agree or not?

Now that we have reported that smoking is a ‘ideal’ way to lose weight, don’t be distressed  if I say that getting a suction lumpectomy could be another great firearm!

By the way, this bring us to another  bomb to seriously consider. It’s none other than ‘suction lumpectomy’

As mentioned, the next weapon says it succulently!

FINAL WEAPON NO 3: GET A SUCTION LUMPECTOMY.

Find a doctor who'll take your money and suck those fat cells out of your thighs, hips, stomach, buttocks, and chin. Tell him to keep sucking, never stop sucking. Wouldn’t that be something out of this world? Trust me, it’s all coming up. Gruesome as it may be but do keep reading. Don’t ever stop even if you may not agree so far!

And here's where it gets even more interesting and more bloody, if I may say so myself. OK?

FINAL WEAPON NO 4: GET AN INTESTINAL BYPASS.

It's like Russian roulette, of course, but hey, live fast, die young. You'll probably have liver failure, kidney stones, and massive vitamin deficiencies in a couple of years—and they will kill you, eventually— but until then, live to eat. You might not like it but sad to say, sometimes naked truth is stranger than fiction. Get my drift?

Of course, above all, your next utmost priority is to insert a ‘bubble’ in your belly. Sounds awkward? Don’t be. It’s a kind of price, one has to pay to achieve final ‘weight loss’ success. Agree or not?

FINAL WEAPON NO 5: GET A BUBBLE.

This balloon-like gadget is easily inserted into the stomach and inflated. It makes it almost impossible to eat—you feel too full. What a shame it's got to come out in only three months. But you've learned to eat correctly, right? At least correctly with a balloon in your stomach. So don't show up to have it out. Who'll know the difference?

The above suggestions maybe cruel jokes if I am bold to say ‘Of course’. But they are solutions— although radical, expensive, and often lethal. As tired, glum, and un-magical as it sounds to say, "No pains. No gain,"

By the way before we wrap-up this article please do read the finale slowly and then read it again carefully. It is vitally important! Trust me!

CONCLUSION:

In many ways, the end of this ‘sarcastic’ article is just the beginning: the beginning of a drastic brand new way of living for you. When you do things differently, giving up those parts of your life that have been self-defeating. Especially for those which are self-affirming, your weight, your health, and your life change dramatically. You acquire self-discipline and strength. You gain a new perspective. You enjoy the positive results of accepting and liking yourself once more. And you find new meaning to your life and hope for your future.

You have wanted to lose weight for a very long time, and you must admit that never before have you had a better shot at doing it until now. I haven't given you a magic diet. I haven't told you that you can get skinny in seven days. I haven't promised you a metabolic miracle. You decide. The ball is on your side of the court. Understand?

To reinforce your insight and application, allow me to repeat the main deadly arsenals to destroy obesity for good, regardless of its side effects. Firstly, do take diet pills forever. Then, please keep smoking.  Also not to forget to obtain a suction lumpectomy.  And if you dare, do procure an intestinal bypass . Last but not least make sure you get a bubble. Does that sound desperate to you? You bet. After all said, I believe  my harsh work here is done. And best of luck to you.